Feeling dismayed and jerked around this morning. Realizing that my blog that I started working on about a year ago was turning into something good. I was learning this site and blogging and had so much to say. Then, comes a twig getting caught in the spokes of the tire of life. Everything came to an abrupt stop. When Daughter Two came to visit and I’m not getting my train of thinking and learning back and I’m thinking for what came of that visit you think would be worth anything, but I’m sitting here missing out on something that was bringing me so much pleasure and made me feel like I have something to offer the world out of the horrors I have, and my children, gone through. It sort of makes me feel used, abused and kicked to the curb.
I’m starting a new blog and not having a lot of luck there either. I’m open to suggestions. Really, I need to start this morning out with a prayer and a doctors appointment for my eye. This post will make a big deal in my decisions that I am going to and am able to make about this blog.
I’ve messed so much up not knowing how to make this site with ‘categories’, ‘pages’, posts and ‘tags’. I never understood them and the only way I can save this blog is to try to revamp my ‘tags’ and ‘categories’, hoping that it will straighten out the mess I made without knowing. Ignorance is NOT bliss!
I guess, when you look at it like this I have to admit that as a helpless human being with no way to protect myself or have an opinion of my own, I have to look back and even during that first year of life, I have to see God at work in my life, before I arrived as well as everything to come. The second chance was all about Him. There was no way with my luck that any good would have come out of such a situation concerning me. But, God saw to it that I was taken care of righteously in any case. Maybe that is the cause of my strong belief in God, when I was so little.
When Daddy was off on deployment, life was one way. When he was home, life was a different way. Mommy was my new Sunday school teacher, I learned to love Jesus, I just knew He was as a bright white light, too bright to see, purest of clean that you could just sense His purity, and simply humble ourselves before Him. He’s always there and He’s always loved me and forever will care for me. God, Jesus, they would watch over my family, me and all that I cared about. This is what I learned of Jesus and God A.S.A.P.!
I remember in San Diego, dressed in my special Sunday skirt suit. Big bow around my neck to tie under my chin to give that mature, very dressed up look then you also add the little white Sunday gloves, black patent-leather shoes in the little Mary-Jane style, that also matched my tiny little patent-leather purse to hold my offering and my hankie on our Special Day. Along with that, I remember the second floor room that was darkened by the lack of larger windows and no flourescent lighting back in the early 60’s. Looking out the window down onto the street, noticing how wide the sidewalk was down in front of our church. My bible, purse and paperwork were under a chair very close to the window. I didn’t like the darkness of the room. I would sit as closely to the light that the small window would allow in, and appreciate the fact that I had a good seat for me that day. I was happy and felt at home at that young age in that Sunday school room with Mommy as my teacher.