Believe It!

Well, I cannot believe it, but then again, I do. There is pretty much nothing people can do that surprises me at this point any longer. Although, the lack of righteous laws, and the institution of mindless rules that are only made to be a means to an end on a political, ‘personal’ level, thinks it’s enough to condone the murder in the first degree of our most precious innocent beings, our infant children. So innocent, in fact, they have yet to experience anything but the hate, selfishness, greediness; all in the name of power and control and monetary prestige for those that ‘talk the talk to turn our hearts. They say something like 90% of society here in the U.S. are against full-term infanticide (a fancy name to make it sound like a ‘real’ thing), in other words, first degree murder. Doctor and patient both guilty as anyone can be. We wonder what’s wrong with this world but the most prestigious country on our globe has attempted to make first degree murder righteous. What! Not in God’s eye’s But, how does a law like that even get passed? New York? Please explain what about America can explain murder of our youngest society, our most important society, the ones that are our future. Our newborns.

I have to wonder, the what ifs. I was very much ‘not wanted’ when I was discovered to be. If these laws were this way in 1960 would I even be here and mostly only for the purpose of the selfish and greediness of today’s ‘women’ (I do not mean that ‘generally’ but for a large part, sorry, I don’t know statistics, all I know is experience.)

 

Changes

Failure to bond basically since birth, now with strangers. What was next? How did I feel? What was happening? What kind of a thought was I capable of putting together at such a young age? Littered with the outcomes of the adults 1249_1054721815129_2380_nbehavior around me that were in my life now. I’d have to say the biggest boo boo in my life. Probably the root of all evil in my life. People being so hard-hearted when they see other’s, that they judge,  knowing nothing about the situation. I can attest to that.

My Aunt Marilyn picked me up at the orphanage. Only the diaper I had on was all she got to leave with me. She went straight to the store to get formula, clothes, diapers etc. All that she needed for me and for the trip back to San Diego.

Being about six months old, I had to be as emotionally unhealthy as any infant could be, I could only cry for those that seen worse. I became aware of my fear-based life in my later 20’s, I think how terrified an infant would have to feel without the knowledge of anything else having to do with that terror, that it could actually bring on such debilitating behavior as an adult and unknowingly until the light bulb went on one day.

When my Aunt Marilyn picked me up to move me from Portland to San Diego, the orphanage had nothing to offer her except the diaper I was wearing and me. Not so much as a bottle of formula or an extra diaper. Aunt Marilyn went, of course, directly to the store and bought all that she, and I, would need. Then back on the road, heading South this  time.

Back on track, I’m now in San Diego, like an infant would know the difference in geography. I’ve often wondered what went on in my emotional pocketbook, or what kind of thought process I was even able or unable to form around all the chaos I had witnessed in my new life. Especially in these early months having to do with courts. James and Marilyn Maynard, my Aunt and Uncle from my biological father’s side, Slim’s, had only one intention and that was adoption. It was to be an open-family adoption. Visits, and I was to be raised Catholic was part of the ‘deal’.

When we arrived at my new ‘home’ it was empty. My uncle was in the US Navy and away, deployed at that time. So, it was just Aunt Marilyn and me to get to know each other. I know at some time court proceedings were started and everything was agreed upon, but by the time the proceedings were over the Judge was angry, my biological parents had reneged on all they had agreed on and tried to get me back. Making a mockery out of the courtroom to the point that the Judge’s anger came out and he slammed down his gavel and spoke loudly that ” This child is NOT a football, ” He gave all rights to my new parents, and closed the adoption. I now had new parents and a whole new life looking at me. As an infant I had no idea.

Invitation to a Painted Thought

A Parable for the Heart♥♥♥:

By:
*•.¸♡mᎪᏒᎽ ᎠᎬᏉᏒᎽ♡¸.•*

We, who sit and ponder without the blessing of taking a note, may come to a brick wall with a precious spot of art, known better as vandalism. It’s amazing what God allows to wake up our brains. Hat’s off to all you artists out there who seem to need and definitely deserve a piece of paper.

You are invited:
Facebook’s Group: We Are His Miracles

Birthdays and Blessings

I said I’d return to give a run down of what I was doing while not blogging for the last seven months. Here I am. With no thoughts as to what I want or should write. Great! Gosh, where to start. . .


June 2018, approximately nine months ago the phone rang, an unusually excited voice on the other end squeals out, “Mama, how about I come for a visit”? I was like, “huh”? I was shocked and until I replied to her, her, my daughter, “of course you can”! I asked her how long she could stay, her reply was about a month. Wow, this is where you will start to understand the title of today’s blog, I was in shock and as to why is what makes me ‘know’ miracles do happen, I have witnessed all too many miracles to ‘ever’ deny them, and this was another. Maybe not the visit being the miracle but the end result of what I’d consider the most awkward, difficult and tiresome visit I hope I will ever have to play hostess to. Oh my!

She was due in on the morning bus coming from the eastern side of the states. Her bus broke down twice with another time being the saving bus. Not a good way to start the kind of trek that was in store for us. She made it in finally, 18 hours later than planned. At least I could see her with my eyes as she stood tall inside the bus as I looked up waiting for her to come into my sight and there she was, stepping up toward the driver, standing there seeing me and smiling large. My daughter. She’s alive! Truly.

It was the first sight i’d had of her for over 11 years. I truly thought and believed and had grieved (without giving up all hope, if that’s possible) her being gone and out of my life. I had no idea of her whereabouts, her health, her safety. The last time I saw her she was in turmoil and basically because of rotten circumstances in both of our lives she was lost into the dark from me. I was too weak to grab her.




I think I’m going to end there. I will give some serious thought to how to continue this, I am not sure. But, I can say, at this moment she’s still on a bus on her return trip and has not reached her place of residence yet. She sounds so good on the phone. Only recourse I have now is to pray my heart out for her to accept my offers and pray for her well being. It’s all about her and God and their choices at this time. 




“Wild One”

By: Faith Hill

They said change your clothes
She said no I won’t
They said comb your hair
She said some kids don’t
And her parents dreams went up in smoke

They said you can’t leave
She said yes I will
They said don’t see him
She said his name is Bill
She’s on a roll and it’s all uphill

She’s a wild one
With an angel’s face
She’s a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy’s knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She’s a wild one
Runnin’ free

She loves Rock and Roll
They said it’s Satan’s tongue
She thinks they’re too old
They think she’s too young
And the battle lines are clearly drawn

She’s a wild one
With an angel’s face
She’s a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy’s knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She’s a wild one
Runnin’ free

She has future plans and dreams at night
When they tell her life is hard she says that’s alright

She’s a wild one
With an angel’s face
She’s a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy’s knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She’s a wild one
Runnin’ free

Dearest Julia Anne.
Ever since I first heard this song, when it was released, it has been in my heart for you. I heard this and all I could do was think of you. I dedicated this song to you many years ago. I hope you like it. I never shared it with you but maybe the time wasn’t right and now it is. Go to You-Tube and search the name and play it = it’s a very ‘up’ song.
Love, Mama

March 4th, 2017

Try, Try, and Try Again~Phew!

A break in time, to stop, to begin again. To never quit.

When God says NOW, He means NOW; I jump!







Well, I’ve gone to great lengths, in the past, to not repeat or talk of the present day, as my blog takes place with me as an infant and the story goes on from there. It’s been approximately seven months since I was able to write my blog. Everything I was learning about making this blog site, here at WordPress I have forgotten totally. I’m trying to trigger my memory but I knew so little when life changed.

I will do a part two of my most recent current events having happened in my real life as of the last year, mainly seven months. It will aid me in swinging back into writing my blog. It’s amazing to me what I have survived during this time of absence. It’s just such simple things for most people but these are the events that confuse and bend my thoughts and understanding to the point of near insanity at it’s most accepted. 

I look forward to returning to writing and hope I can resume where I was leaving off to continue with the thought pattern I was on. I have a lot of praying to do.

I will continue by next writing to tell of the events that led up to and caused my absence. All things are not bad even  if they keep us from what we enjoy.






Return soon with a nice story of events in my currently past-present life.

Together...
Together Again, Mama & Julia!





♥♥♥

New Home for Who?

Who, who am I? Who, who am i?

Onward toward life as I go…

I now reside in San Diego, I have received two new parents, a mommy and a daddy. They had a child to full term in the fifties but i was still born for reasons that wouldn’t happen in this day and age. My brother, who I owe a debt of gratitude to, is named Michael. I started feeling this even stronger toward Michael as I got older life got more clear as time went on. Without his precious and untimely passing, there would have been no need or desire to have me in this new home where I am now at.

My new mommy and daddy changed my name from Leilon Therese to Mary Janeen, I was issued a new birth certificate with them listed as my birth parents and my new names listed as my birth names but they didn’t change my birth date or my birthplace. I was introduced to my new daddy when he return from his 9 month deployment. But I never really got to bond with him, he did retire from the USN until 19

69. I was 9 years old by then. They couldn’t keep my original name for the first and middle names were chosen for the fact that they were meant to be named after my biological parents’ names. So, new mommy and daddy did the same thing only with initials, lol, Mary after Mommy and the J in Janeen after James for new Daddy. I was brought up from the beginning knowing the whole time that I had been adopted. Mommy always said I was special because I was hand picked. That, I didn’t just ‘happen’, I was actually ‘chosen’ and that’s what made me so special. She always stuck to that story. I never had questions, no curiosity, no wonderment. I never dreamed of ‘what if’s’ having to do with biological parents. This became ‘MY’ biggest mistake and made so

Meeting Daddy for the First Time
Sometime in early 1961 my new Daddy came home from his Deployment and he and I were able to meet each other for the first time.

Mama’s gonna buy you another day…

many and so much ‘my fault’! This whole this was a blessing beyond what you could imagine but when people get or got involved it turned into anything from being hurt badly or being grateful to a fault.

Once you realize the family dynamics of these four people and the new grandparents I’ve now acquired this will all become a lot clearer.

 

An Attempt at Rectification

A attempt to bring two mixed up good posts into one for a single thought to continue writing my blog about.

Leilon Therese Maynard Pre Eight Months of Age
Still residing with Theresa Jones, Tina Jones is behind the high chair, more on sisters soon. One of two photos of Leilon Therese Maynard, barely old enough to sit yet.

Well, out of five posts, I have deleted the first three. The two that are remaining are very similar. Yes, if this sounds familiar to days from when any of you were new to Blogging than you understand, I’m going to try to rectify the two posts that are very similar and make a little more sense out of them so I may find my story line. I do have one. My mind just doesn’t quit thinking of all the options I can think of.

Well, all the facts were very clear, most of what I wrote was to be before I was even found out about and even some years before that.

I will start by bringing the two first parts into this third part. First let’s get this on a track that is going somewhere. I would have never been able to escape the Social Phobia or the severe PTSD concerning people. But all the rest I have found at age 58 seems to me are ailments that came about because I didnt’ fit the mold of others’.

The facts that I know, have been researched by me over the years, slowly and pretty much out of necessity, are in my opinion the truth. I mean, one plus one is two, read between the lines, listen to the answers you do get, ask the right questions, etc. You can pretty much paint the pictures of life as it ‘would’ have been, ‘could’ have been and now I look back and wonder why it had to be so messed up. I even had an epiphany as to why things got so bad and it was saddening to see how I was treated all my life.