Feeling dismayed and jerked around this morning. Realizing that my blog that I started working on about a year ago was turning into something good. I was learning this site and blogging and had so much to say. Then, comes a twig getting caught in the spokes of the tire of life. Everything came to an abrupt stop. When Daughter Two came to visit and I’m not getting my train of thinking and learning back and I’m thinking for what came of that visit you think would be worth anything, but I’m sitting here missing out on something that was bringing me so much pleasure and made me feel like I have something to offer the world out of the horrors I have, and my children, gone through. It sort of makes me feel used, abused and kicked to the curb.
I’m starting a new blog and not having a lot of luck there either. I’m open to suggestions. Really, I need to start this morning out with a prayer and a doctors appointment for my eye. This post will make a big deal in my decisions that I am going to and am able to make about this blog.
I’ve messed so much up not knowing how to make this site with ‘categories’, ‘pages’, posts and ‘tags’. I never understood them and the only way I can save this blog is to try to revamp my ‘tags’ and ‘categories’, hoping that it will straighten out the mess I made without knowing. Ignorance is NOT bliss!
Well, this last year has been one that stretched me resources. I’m still feeling exhausted. A seven-month visit from an estranged and adored daughter that was unbelievably wonderful unfortunately didn’t repair things enough to leave the negativity behind. All with her and I went very well. From the first moment getting off her bus to the moment she entered the bus to return to what she considers ‘home.’ After a lifetime of praying, talking, loving, accepting and doing what I could do but always fell short in her eyes you would think we stood a chance with how well the long visit went. She, sadly, is involved in a long relationship to a man who does not work or provide for her. He lives off of her disability and food stamps. Problem really lies in what she shared with me while she visited; he hits her (open-handed, she justifies his behavior by the ‘open-handed’ making it okay in her mind. Also, she told me he supplies her with drugs when he chooses. i am at a stand still as to what to do. She’s clear across the U.S. from me. I have some thoughts and an idea to help watch over her being so far away but it’s a bit extreme but I also found where he’s listed as a sex offender and has also spent many years in prison and I would like to know exactly what for. With the information my daughter disclosed to me I should have every right in the world to try to protect my daughter.
Now, on with the original scheme of this blog. It’s been nearly a year, it may be difficult to get back on track.
I think where I will pin down time will be starting school. I can return to times previous to that as needed.
I was a nervous wreck! Only five years old and ready for kindergarten, Decked out in new ‘school’ clothes for the year or at least to get us to the Christmas holidays so Mama would equip me with what had been grown out of and replaced with gifts from Mama and Daddy. Toys were always under the tree from Santa, unwrapped. Aw, subject of Christmas seems to be strong. I will have to dedicate some time and effort to one of my most meaningful and lovely spiritual holidays. But, like that popular, seasonal saying, ‘Back to School”, lol.
Well, I’ve gone to great lengths, in the past, to not repeat or talk of the present day, as my blog takes place with me as an infant and the story goes on from there. It’s been approximately seven months since I was able to write my blog. Everything I was learning about making this blog site, here at WordPress I have forgotten totally. I’m trying to trigger my memory but I knew so little when life changed.
I will do a part two of my most recent current events having happened in my real life as of the last year, mainly seven months. It will aid me in swinging back into writing my blog. It’s amazing to me what I have survived during this time of absence. It’s just such simple things for most people but these are the events that confuse and bend my thoughts and understanding to the point of near insanity at it’s most accepted.
I look forward to returning to writing and hope I can resume where I was leaving off to continue with the thought pattern I was on. I have a lot of praying to do.
I will continue by next writing to tell of the events that led up to and caused my absence. All things are not bad even if they keep us from what we enjoy.
Return soon with a nice story of events in my currently past-present life.